When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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