Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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