while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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