and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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