I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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