I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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