I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
