weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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