is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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