Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
