only you would photoshop your dick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
