the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
