On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
