No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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