Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
