would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
