It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
