I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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