I wish my penis had an off switch
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
