Non-Jews are for practice
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
