well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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