so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
