I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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