then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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