I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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