We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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