Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
