i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
