OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
