you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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