I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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