you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
