If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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