White coat. Heels.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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