Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
