"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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