Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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