Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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