What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
