i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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