i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize