did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
