Girls should come with a carfax report
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
