Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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