so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
