my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
