I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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