I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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