I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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