we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
