I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
