Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Randomize
