just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
