Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize