OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
