DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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