My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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