i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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