you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
