If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
