yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
