I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
