would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
