She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
