I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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