So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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