I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's official drugs can't kill me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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