I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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