dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
