I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
